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What are our two greatest end-of-life fears? To endure unnecessary prolonged pain and suffering, and merely to exist in a state of total indignity and dependency such as in Alzheimer's dementia. Uninformed, some people add layers of tragedy to their destiny. Some choose to die prematurely; others, violently; a few risk imprisonment by mercy killing. Often their lament is, If only Physician-Assisted Suicide were legal. Yet there is an alternative that is already legal: Voluntary Refusal of Food & Fluid. While sometimes intentionally maligned as barbaric starvation, ceasing all Food & Fluid is a truly peaceful way to hasten dying by dehydration. While taking an average of 14 days, it allows for the exchange of healing goodbyes with loved ones who can forever be sure it was these patients' intent since they could have changed their mind.
What makes the process peaceful? Knowing how to control thirst. (The author went on two fasts himself to learn what works.) In addition, good discussions with family members before beginning. Consistent with the principles of some religions, this method is available even for patients who are physically too sick to put a lethal dose of medication in their mouths and swallow.
By creating strategically effective documents for a trusted agent or proxy to withhold Food & Fluid on the patient's behalf, this way to Permit Natural Dying can actually extend the quality of life of those with early dementia. They can enjoy living until they reach a point they have previously described in behavioral terms (perhaps with help from using one of the book's forms).
Beyond serving as an authoritative source of information to strive for an ironclad strategy for dementia, the book endorses life's most ironic fact: When people know they can control when they die--they can, and often do--choose to live longer.
Poignant memoirs illustrate its practical guidelines and useful forms; for example, why Proxy Directives are more effective than Living Wills, and how to make Living Wills work better if they are the only available choice.
The book-within-a-book format of this book is as unique as its content is comprehensive. Over 300 citations, an index, a glossary, and further resources... yet its core reading is user-friendly for all. The subject matter is lightened by 22 cartoons and humorous stories; deepened by provocative discussions of the secular meaning of Sanctity of Life ; and broadened by considering the emotional, practical, clinical, legal, moral, ethical, religious, spiritual, and political aspects of a subject that will affect absolutely everyone.
Publisher : Life Transitions Publications; First Edition (November 28, 2007)
Language : English
Paperback : 489 pages
ISBN-10 : 1933418036
ISBN-13 : 978-1933418032
Reading age : 18 years and up
Item Weight : 2.05 pounds
Reviewer: Gadfly52
Rating: 5.0 out of 5 stars
Title: Excellent instruction and reference book
Review: Terman is straight forward with information that help those of us who hope to avoid a death of delay and suffering even in the case of dementia. As "The Best Way to Say Goodbye" is a detailed book rather than a quicker narrative read, it might be most helpful for those who have some background in the subject of what is happening now in the fields of hospice and palliative care. For those of us concerned about "no more murder charges" it allows doctors and nurses to be of help in assisted dying to end suffering by putting the legal responsibility on the patient who is requesting help and mercy. Terman discusses advance directives in detail along with many other subjects. Well reviewed professionally. I havenât finished the book but consider it a âmust haveâ in my library.
Reviewer: helen ocon
Rating: 5.0 out of 5 stars
Title: All about dying
Review: A needed discussion .
Reviewer: Jacquelyn Hawley
Rating: 3.0 out of 5 stars
Title: Three Stars
Review: ok
Reviewer: ShelbySue
Rating: 5.0 out of 5 stars
Title: Five Stars
Review: Good info
Reviewer: Kaye
Rating: 4.0 out of 5 stars
Title: helpful
Review: This was helpful for me when my father approached end of life from congestive heart failure at age 83. At the end, he was in a hospital receiving palliative care for two days. He passed before we were able to transfer him to a hospice. Sadly, the nurses at the hospital in the palliative care wing seemed uninformed and were not proactive in making him comfortable. Because of what I learned from the comfort care section of this book, I was able to request and obtain the right kind of care that eased his pain and helped him pass more comfortably.
Reviewer: Big Shoes
Rating: 5.0 out of 5 stars
Title: very helpful and comprehensive discussion of end of life issues
Review: excellent, comprehensive discussion. this book clearly identifies end of life issues and provides useful counsel to achieve a given individuals goals. highly recommend.
Reviewer: STEPHEN PLETKO
Rating: 5.0 out of 5 stars
Title: Can you control when you die? Will others honor your Last Wishes??
Review: XXXXX"Death is not something any one need be afraid of. It is peaceful. What I fear is suffering a long time before I die."The above is found in this extremely well researched, well-written, and empowering book authored by psychiatrist Dr. Stanley Terman. (It was Terman's mother who said the above quoted statements to her then young son.) Clinical professor & medical ethicist Dr. Ronald Miller and attorney & social worker Michael Evans "provided professional oversight" during the creation of this book by being "critical readers and contributors" to it.Thus, any potential reader of this book can be assured that the information on its pages is completely accurate especially from legal, clinical-medical, psychological-sociological, ethical-philosophical, and religious perspectives.This book deals only with the process of dying, not death. It specifically has two goals:(1) To provide a description of a legal and peaceful choice or method of dying for most of those who are suffering from devastating, terminal conditions (such as permanent brain damage or incurable, progressive dementia). Two things should be mentioned about this method:First, it gives the suffering patient sufficient time to reconsider his/her decision with no residual effects if the patient does reconsider. Therefore, there is some control.Second, the author tested the method out on himself!!(2) To maximize the probability that others will honor your Last Wishes especially if you cannot speak for yourself. Thus, Terman explains why we must create precise, non-ambiguous, strategic, written documents or forms that correspond to our Last Wishes and he shows us how to do that.The bulk of this book is devoted to questions on the choice of dying advocated by this book and the comprehensive answers to these questions. However the book strives "to maintain balance in the presentation by revealing pros and cons, and by suggesting other strategies [or choices] that may be effective, so you can decide whether or not you wish this option [the one advocated in this book] for yourself or for your loved one." After a chapter that presents five general questions with answers, there are questions with answers that form the basis of chapters pertaining to:(1) medical aspects (9 questions)(2) religion versus science (4 questions)(3) legality, civil rights, and safety (7 questions)(4) competency, brain function, and Alzheimer's disease & related dementias (4 questions)(5) creating strategic advance directives with regard to your Last Wishes (7 questions)(6) the dying patient's family (5 questions)(7) the role of physicians (4 questions)(8) obtaining advice, securing a proxy (person designated to make medical decisions for you) , and to feeling secure that others will honor your Last Wishes (5 questions)Besides having a book set up in a question and answer format where readers can zero in on those questions that pertain to their particular situation, there are many other features of this book. Here are the ones that I found to be particularly interesting and useful:(1) Patient stories and legal cases (there are sixty):It is important to read these for their instructive value. One specific thing to especially look for is to see what happens to patients when the advice in this book is not followed or not followed adequately.(2) Humorous tales and cartoons (over twenty):Included for two reasons: (i) to provide some comic relief since the book is dealing with a serious and difficult subject (ii) to provide instruction by highlighting a major point found in the main narrative or story. These can be skipped if the reader finds them inappropriate.(3) Forms (six):These are what you must create in writing (using the forms or documents in this book as guides) to insure that the probability that your Last Wishes will be honored.(4) Choice of how to read this book (one page at the very beginning):You can start at the beginning and read everything or you can choose one of the seven options of different ways to gain immediate value from this book. Especially note the option that gives a "quick overview" of the entire book.(5) Comprehensive glossary (defines over fifty key terms):Even though key terms are defined once in the main narrative, this glossary comes in handy if you forget a key definition. It also provides more information about key terms.Finally, it should be emphasized that the important information in this book is not designed for minors, or for people with serious emotional disorders, or for use for illegal purposes.In conclusion, Dr. Terman says the following in his preface:"I hope that my writing this book honors my [deceased] mother."From one who has thoroughly scrutinized this book and has been wowed by its comprehensiveness and sensitivity, I can confidently say that she would be quite honored and proud of her son for writing this much-needed and necessary tome!!(first published 2007; your reading choices; foreword; acknowledgements; preface; prologue; 12 chapters; conclusion; epilogue; main narrative 440 pages; medical references and legal citations; glossary; further resources; index; about those who provided professional oversight; about the author and his end-of-life beliefs)<
Reviewer: Laura
Rating: 4.0 out of 5 stars
Title: Liked It!
Review: I'm working with a Death and Dying Group (aka Death and Dining, Death Cafe, etc.!) and we all want to have as much control at the end or our lives as we can. I like this option and I like the rational. The writing and set up of pages seems a little sensational - but what the heck, the informations great! I recommended it to my whole group and would to you too!